Secret Crush #17

So the new Lights single “Saviour” finally has a video.

A rad, vibrant, colourful, anime-infused, Aha-inspired, absolutely befuddling video. Loves it.

 

"Little Butterball Holding Up Ice Cream Line"

Best local news story from The Onion in quite a while…

Current Best Song Ever

The 80s called. They want their... Oh nevermind.

La Roux is an electro-pop duo from England. Their hit song “Bulletproof” is currently regarded by Sean K. Robb as pretty much the best thing he’s ever heard. Poppy as a veteran and catchy as a bad case of syphilis, it’s got an 80s new wave sound that harkens back to the blue eyed electrosoul of Yaz. Loves it.

And hey, now that we’re talking about Alison Moyet.

JAY-Z = USA 

Pinstripes bitches!

Jay-Z has 100 problems now that a bitch is, in fact, one.

Former G-Unit hustla The Game (not to be confused with this The Game) has decided to wage war against the one and only Hova (not to be confused with this Hova.) Blasting Jay-Z in recent freestyles, interviews and tweets (Damn that’s gangsta!) The Game has let known that he thinks it’s his turn on top of the hip hop mountain and that it’s time for Jay to retire somewhere in the French countryside with his girl Sasha “Beyonce” Fierce.

Beyond just being a lesson in Beef Development 101, International Relations professor Marc Lynch, writing for ForeignPolicy.com sees these recent developments as a potential metaphor for American hegemony.

It’s a fascinating article, tracing the various beefs Jay has fended off over the years (NAS!) while drawing parallels with America’s recent foreign policy issues. Before I even had a chance to come up with my own take on the subject, about a billion other bloggers did. Damn these internet cats are quick! Here’s what they had to say.

Also – I need to get a beef going with someone to step up my own game. Maybe Jordan Bimm will bite.

Also – I immediately regret calling The Game a bitch. I have no beefs with you sir.

Here we go again…

Fish wrap

Now Magazine, the premier wank rag for Toronto’s bourgeois bohemian set has a pro-wrestler on the cover this week. It should surprise exactly no one that said wrestler (current NWA Champion Blue Demon Jr.) is a luchador. The hipster fascination with lucha libre – So exotic! So kitschy! So foreign! – has been in full swing for a couple of years now and lord christ almighty am I sick of it.  The cooptation of lucha masks as symbols (of what exactly?) has seemingly entitled a generation of bandwagon clingers who wouldn’t know Mil Mascaras from Mac mascara to proclaim their love for “Mexican wrestlers” while keeping safe distance from the white trash, Coors Lite drinkers they associate with North American wrestling.

Blue Demon Jr., of course, is a bonafide legend and his appearance at Harbourfront this weekend is a fantastic opportunity for fans to see a genuine luchador. God knows I’ll be there Sunday to see him and the cadre of local talent being brought together by local rassler, trainer and all around great guy Rob “El Fuego” Etcheverria. But the Now article, authored by one Jordan Bimm – who displays a Wikipedia-deep knowledge of the sport – offers little more than a gloss on the subject. Perhaps it’s silly to expect more from a three page article in a free alt weekly, but simply dropping insider terms like “kayfabe” doesn’t make up for a lack of perspective, context or insight.

But my biggest beef with the article stems from the lede, where Bimm feels the need to begin with a mention of the Chris Benoit murder/suicide of  ‘07. Not content to simply reference a tragedy having nothing to do with the rest of the article, Bimm also propagates the lie that the horrific incident was “roid-induced.” Though the popular media has latched onto the ‘steroids are to blame’ angle from the start, most experts cite the mental damage Benoit sustained from repeated concussions he suffered in the ring as the true “cause” of his psychopathic behaviour.  Hell, the CBC even dedicated an entire episode of The Fifth Estate to the story. Little to no proof has ever been offered that “roid rage” played any role in the killings, beyond the simple fact that Benoit was, indeed, on steroids at the time. This is exactly the kind of bullshit Chris Bell railed against in the documentary “Bigger, Stronger, Faster*” which – if you haven’t already – you TOTALLY have to see.

Lucha Libre is awesome. But it’s fetishization by those who wouldn’t be caught dead attending an actual wrestling show is patronizing and annoying. Ring of Honor – the premier North American independent wrestling organization – has two shows scheduled for Toronto next weekend at the Ted Reeve arena. On hand will be some of the best wrestlers in the world, including Bryan Danielson, Nigel McGuinness, Austin Aries and Lance Storm. Hell, even wrestling legends Bret “The Hitman” Hart and “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair will be there. Still, something tells me ROH won’t be getting the same front page treatment as their hipster-approved Mexican counterparts. To do that might involve an honest-to-god investigation of a genuine subculture that hasn’t already been vetted by the cool kids – and that’s about as far as you can get from Now’s modus operandi.

"The American Dragon" Bryan Danielson

After Michael Jackson Died

This will be my last Death of Michael Jackson post. Promise.

But Sean Michaels of Said The Gramaphone has written a poem so lovely that it needs to be shared. “After Michael Jackson Died” is an elegy that attempts to take stock of the man, the myth and the music maker. It’s a wonderful, thoughtful piece of work and the best thing I’ve read about MJ since his death.

”He understood why he had felt so alone, still & still still felt so alone. He understood why his father had hated him. He understood Tito’s gift, and Janet’s loss, and his own greatest mistake. He understood his willowy love, why Lisa Marie had said the things she said in precisely the way she said them. He understood why he had seen his father’s face in the mirror.”

Thanks to Carl Wilson and his amazing Zoilus.

Summer Jams

The delightful Stacy Ferguson

With the hot sun of the summertime comes some of my favourite music in the world: the summertime jam. That ubiquitous pop hit that dominates the airwaves and infiltrates every bar-b-q, road trip and afternoon at the beach from July thru to September. The type of music made better by sunstroke and repeated listens, classic summer jams provide the soundtrack to those hot and shiny days of sunburns and sugar-laced patio drinks.

Here, selected by yours truly, are this season’s contenders for top Summer Jam of ’09. A short list that reveals that pop , hip hop and R&B are pretty much all I’m listening to these days…

6. Make Her Say – Kid Cudi Ft. Kanye & Common

Kid Cudi looking like Humpty Hump

If you found the sly double entendre of Lady Gaga’s “Pokerface” too subtle, this might be the song for you! The version making it to air is far less filthy than the uncensored version linked here. A delightful little paean to the joys of oral sex, “Pokerface” is here sampled and repurposed in the most obvious of ways. But goddamn if that “Oh oh oh oh” ain’t catchy enough to make up for the lack of lyrical imagination.

5. D.O.A. – Jay Z

Hova!

Hova is back bitches! Waxing philosophical about everything wrong with hip-hop in ’09 over a cacophony of screaming guitars and alto sax (!?!) Jay lays down the law and shows the punks how it’s done, son.

4. Never Forget You – Noisette

Girl + Bass = Awesome

The latest retro-soul out of England, Noisette is a three-piece that has obviously put in their time listening to their parent’s Ronnettes and Dusty Springfield LPs. “Never Forget You” is just brilliant, piling hook on after hook, with a timeless sound that’s just a bit too esoteric to be a hit on this side of the ocean. Which sucks, because in a perfect world, this is what everyone would be listening to.

3. Paparazzi – Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga being weird. Again.

Oh Lady Gaga. I want to hate you soooo bad. But your songs make me so very happy and your bizarre sense of style and fashion only makes me love you more. That Lady was writing songs about being stalked by the paparazzi before anyone even knew who the hell she was tells you all you need to know about this amazing young woman and her shallow yet wonderful dreams.

2. I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas

Wake me up before you go-go.

That I’m a little ashamed to have BEP on the list only confirms it’s rightful place. Summer jams should be embarrassing, loud and stupid – just like Will.I.Am’s multi-culti pop factory. This may be the best song the Peas have ever done and with it’s unrelenting optimism and “F the world let’s party” swagger, it’s clear they were swinging for the fences. I’m going to be so sick of this by October I’ll never want to hear it again, but right now, I can’t get enough of this shit.

1. Love Knocks You Down – Keri Hilson Ft. Ne-Yo and Kanye

What did the five fingers say to the face?

Ne-Yo laments the demise of “the pimp in me” while Kanye brags about being “the new Slick Ric” and Keri coos about how much she loves her man. A perfect pop confection that I’d be happy to have on an endless loop until fall, I fucking love this song and if I had a convertible, this is what I’d be blasting at an obnoxious volume as I drove around town winking at girls. Which is what I would do if I have a convertible.

20 Reasons Michael Jackson Was Cool

I would kill for this jacket.

Chartattack.com – the online home of the late, great Chart Magazine, has published my list of the top twenty reasons MJ was awesome. (It could have probably withstood another polish, but I wrote it quickly and while misty-eyed. Forgive me, and enjoy.)